Dear Babies

I hope you don't mind sharing a letter this week. You are going to have to get good at sharing. I guess you already know this. You are doing a pretty good job with the uterus, if you could take it a little easier on my belly button I'd appreciate it though. Thanks

What I have learned so far about emotions during pregnancy is that pretty much anything is normal. It is normal to feel bonded and to not feel bonded. It is normal to be more scared than excited and it is normal to worry about what you will feel when you meet your babies in person. I really hope for all of our sakes that I will love both of you instantly the moment I see you. If I base my expectations solely on what I am feeling right now, that reaction seems pretty likely.

I have realized that whether I am happy with this change, or not, being pregnant and the expectation of being a mother has already changed me. Having you two with me all of the time has broken the part of me that was always available to be snide and cynical and hard. I can feel the hole where it used to be gaping like a missing tooth. It seems unimaginable to me that at a time where I need to be the strongest and able to defend the two of you from anything that I have become the most vulnerable.

Having both of you there has changed me more than either of you could have alone. And even though I am certain that that even though my capacity for cynicism and snarky comments will never be fully depleted, I am also ceratin that the fabric of what makes me who I am is forever torn and mended with tiny little patches of the two of you. Just thinking about that helps me to know exactly how I will feel when I see you. So I don't worry too much.

Love

Mommy.