Daddy's Boy

Hamilton is the spitting image of my husband. I think if this kid was DNA tested I would find that he does not possess any of my genetic material and is 100% daddy. We have one thing in common though ... we both love his dad.

My parents are coming to visit on Sunday. They have had my dog since Father's Day when we though that the birth was imminent, an entire month ago. I am looking forward to seeing her and hoping that I can manage to walk her. My husband has next week off, but is returning to work the following week. I want to make sure that I can handle her while he is still around. She is a good girl, but she is also a big dog who is sometimes tempted by the local rabbits and squirrels. I have really missed her and cannot wait for Sunday.

I am still feeling depressed from time to time for no apparent reason. The best description of this emotion is that I feel like nothing I can think of will make me happy or will ever make me happy again. I have found myself crying while washing dishes, or doing laundry, or doing nothing. It goes away after a half an hour or so and then sneaks back when I don't expect it. Usually during these periods I get fixated on the time when I learned that the boys would be delivered by Cesarean.

I know I should just be happy to have these perfect healthy babies, but I really feel like I missed something by not delivering vaginally. I especially feel like I lost a connection by not seeing them for so long after their actual birth. I never saw them with their cord still attached or covered in blood and vernix. The first time I saw them they were clean and swaddled with no evident traces of me left. Later that night in the hospital room I saw blood still in Owen's ear, my blood. It made me smile. I knew that he was mine.

What has helped with the depression? GOing out into the sunlight, naps, and telling my husband exactly how I feel. I know it doesn't make any sense to him but he is a good listener and doesn't try to fix things. I am so glad he is still home with me. He has always been a good husband. I love watching him in this new role as a dad.